American Coffee

The black coffee drinkers are never late
with quixotic liquid that makes them run;
as I hold steady and wait for my fate.

Single red cars rush past at a great pace
for the day is over and they’re not done.
The black coffee drinkers are never late.

I always arrive after the set date—
a flower that blooms in the setting sun,
as I hold steady and wait for my fate.

Those runway model racers can’t see straight,
besides the obstacles to overcome.
The black coffee drinkers are never late.

I’m never the first one out of the gate,
yet I need no plaques to tell me I’ve won
as I hold steady and wait for my fate.

To the speedsters, my days have been a waste,
but I know that my time has just begun.
The black coffee drinkers are never late;
As I hold steady and wait for my fate.

My second villanelle! It was much easier to write this time, which is definitely a good sign. Maybe villanelles aren’t that bad after all 🙂

We are the blessed

I am the blessed
in this blackened world
where violence reigns over love.

I am the fortunate
to not even comprehend
the pain that screams and shouts.

The loved, the appreciated,
cherished am I,
and my heart beats out of my ribs

to think of people who have never had
a tenth
of what I have and how I’ve lived.

I am so sorry
for not realizing that this gift
has been with me this whole time.

My tears are meaningless
for I have been blessed
with a life so utterly sublime.

Do I know how to cry?
Do I deserve my tears?

This is a first world problem,
thankfully, my dear.

Literary Resolution

Even though it’s little late for resolutions now, I have a new one that might be hard to achieve, but will be extremely satisfying in the end.

I want to read 5 new books next month.

I know, 5 is a puny, pathetic number in comparison to those who resolve to read 100 new books in a year, but 5 is a big number for me. Normally, I grab books that I’ve read a million times, and then I’ll read them another million times, which doesn’t allow me to really read new books (for instance, my copy of Tuesdays with Morrie and Catch-22 are all but falling at the seams). So I want to expand my literary horizon and, thanks to you guys, I have the recommendations to do it.

I’ll let this month be a trial run to see how I do. And just so I don’t wimp out and make excuses like “I just don’t know what book to read!” I’m writing down the books that I want to read within the month of February:

1. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster

2. The Beautiful and the Damned by F Scott Fitzgerald

3. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (although this is kind of a cop out since I’m reading it in my English class. Oh well. It’s a pretty dense book so I think it should count)

4. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

5. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernières

and possibly House of Mirth by Edith Wharton, just because it’s been sitting on my bookshelf looking very dejected since I haven’t read it yet. Yes, my books have feelings, and no, I’m not crazy.

So that’s my plan! Thank you guys for your recommendations. I hope to read all of the books you suggested by the end of the year, but I think I’ll stick to my monthly plan for now, taking my reading resolution in baby steps 🙂

I don’t know your pain but I know your tears

I saw this clip about a woman who had gone through child abuse and I wrote this out of the pain I felt for her.

Can I hug you?
Can I rip your tears away
so you never feel the pain
you feel each and every day?

I want to cry for you
I confess,
because someone has made your life
this warped and tattered, bruising mess

and I know it wasn’t your fault
and I know you never wanted it this way,
or any way
but the right way.

I don’t know—
I can’t know you
I suppose.
Because I can’t understand what you’ve been through,

because I don’t know your agony,
your pain.
So let me go back in time and kiss those teary eyes
and cut off your clinging shame.

Calling all English nerds: I need suggestions for good books!

I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands, and I wanted to fill this time by reading a good book. Not knowing what I should read, I googled “books you should read.”

Bad idea.

What I got was a bunch of websites with lists like “100 books you must read,” and even a link to a book titled “1001 books you must read before you die.” There were so many books on each list that I got overwhelmed and immediately quit my browser.

So I turn to you. What are a few books that you think I should read, either because they are amazingly insightful, or because they are just fun?

I’ve already ordered these in preparation for my reading frenzy:

1. A Passage to India by E. M. Forster

2. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald

3. The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton

Any suggestions?

When words will not do.

As a burgeoning belletrist
vocabulary is a must;
from abecedarian
to erudite, savvy—nonplussed.

Yet today this wordsmith,
this sorcerer of speech
had her tongue firmly tied
and her magic breached.

For what word can describe
a day so complete?
Perfect is not sufficient,
nor is blissful, replete.

On a day so magnificent,
perhaps long words won’t suffice.
Perhaps a short word will do,
a word like happy, or light.

No, words will not do.
Instead, I can only breathe in,
beam up a smile
and love life to the brim.

The skydiving experience

I’m alive! A little exhausted after the surge of adrenaline passed, but I’m alive and intact!

And no, I don’t just exclaim “I’m alive!” after getting through every day without being seriously injured or maimed; I’m saying this because I just got back from skydiving and it was amazing!

My victory pose after going skydiving

I’m having a hard time describing the feeling, but I’ll try for you guys 🙂
It was a little frightening jumping off the plane, but once I was in free fall, it was such a calming, blissful feeling. Underneath my feet (or I should say 14,000 feet beneath me) was the tranquil, turquoise sea and when I looked straight in front of me I saw the beautiful, sunny horizon. It really is an amazing experience, and I think everyone should experience at least one time in their life.

And for those who are too scared, let me tell you, it isn’t scary at all!

Honestly, the scariest part of skydiving is the anticipation, and the organization I went to was extremely good at building up the anticipation. Our session was supposed to be at 1:00 pm, but because of excessive fog we had to wait an hour before actually putting on any gear or getting any instruction.

Needless to say, that one hour was torture. Especially since they had a video running the entire time of other people going skydiving and screaming their heads off. Half of me wanted to bolt out of there right now, wondering how I could ever do something so stupid, while the other half of me just wanted the fog to go away so I could jump off a plane 14,000 feet from the ground!

And then when the fog cleared and I got onto the plane, the anticipation just built up further  and further, and I knew that if I focused on what I was about to do in the next few minutes I would chicken out, hurl and pass out… exactly in that order.

But once I got off the plane, minus the first few seconds when I was just screaming and in terror for my life, everything was actually pretty peaceful and serene. I’m just glad that I went first and didn’t have to watch the person who was going skydiving with me jump off the plane 🙂

For those of you who are considering going skydiving, opt for skydiving with an instructor. Going tandem was the best decision I made since I didn’t have to think, I just had to swing my legs out of the plane and the instructor jumped off for me. He handled all of the cords and maneuvers and I just had to keep my neck up and enjoy the experience.

So that was my Thursday! It definitely wasn’t a typical Thursday by any means, and I am so glad that I didn’t chicken out because it honestly was the best experience of my life.